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15 Manly Things to Purchase Using Halloween as an Excuse - Wolf & Iron

15 Manly Things to Purchase Using Halloween as an Excuse

It’s time to graduate from candy (that no one really wants anyhow) to manly things that may actually come in handy. Not that you need an excuse, but just in case, here are a few things that roughly relate to All Hallows Eve.

1. Jig Saw

Carve those pumpkins like a man!

Carve those pumpkins like a man!

2. Machete

Zombie heads aren’t going to lob off themselves.

Zombie heads aren’t going to lob off themselves.

3. Cast Iron Cauldron

Turn that witches brew into a manly stew!

Turn that witches brew into a manly stew!

4. Wooden Bat

Because you can’t drive nails through a steel one.

Because you can’t drive nails through a steel one.

5. Face Paint

Become one with the night.

Become one with the night.

6. Gas Mask

Might as well get a bio-suit to go with it to complete the look.

Might as well get a bio-suit to go with it to complete the look.

7. Samurai Sword

Because warriors don’t wield plastic.

Because warriors don’t wield plastic.

8. Army Surplus Camo

Do you really need a reason? You can get 5 button shirts for about $20.

Do you really need a reason? You can get 5 button shirts for about $20.

9. A Serious Torch (Flashlight)

How else are you going to catch those punks trying to TP your yard?

How else are you going to catch those punks trying to TP your yard?

10. Zombie Max Shotgun Shells

Lead for the undead! I suppose regular shells would work just as well but it’s best to be sure.

Lead for the undead! I suppose regular shells would work just as well but it’s best to be sure.

11. Indiana Jones Fedora

It will never look as good on anyone else but that shouldn’t stop you from owning one.

It will never look as good on anyone else but that shouldn’t stop you from owning one.

12. Axe with a back sling

Because He-man had one, you should too.

Because He-man had one, you should too.

13. A Pair of Figure Skates

Gotcha! This is a trick to test your manliness! Never purchase figure skates. Never skate figuratively. Skating at all may be in serious question.

Gotcha! This is a trick to test your manliness! Never purchase figure skates. Never skate figuratively. Skating at all may be in serious question.

13. (Really) A Chain Saw

One of the best scares I ever had was from a guy in a mask wielding a chainless chainsaw.

One of the best scares I ever had was from a guy in a mask wielding a chainless chainsaw.

14. Dremel Tool

Don’t skimp here. Get a good one or you’re just wasting your money. These are great for pumpkin carving but also for typical Dremel stuff like sanding tight spots and cutting drywall.

Don’t skimp here. Get a good one or you’re just wasting your money. These are great for pumpkin carving but also for typical Dremel stuff like sanding tight spots and cutting drywall.

15. Crowbar

There may be that tiny thing that comes with your spare tire kit, but that really doesn’t count. When zombie skull bashing, door cracking, nail pulling power is what you need, only a full sized crowbar will do.

There may be that tiny thing that comes with your spare tire kit, but that really doesn’t count. When zombie skull bashing, door cracking, nail pulling power is what you need, only a full sized crowbar will do.

What would you add to the list?

 

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