It’s time to graduate from candy (that no one really wants anyhow) to manly things that may actually come in handy. Not that you need an excuse, but just in case, here are a few things that roughly relate to All Hallows Eve.
1. Jig Saw
Carve those pumpkins like a man!
Zombie heads aren’t going to lob off themselves.
3. Cast Iron Cauldron
Turn that witches brew into a manly stew!
4. Wooden Bat
Because you can’t drive nails through a steel one.
5. Face Paint
Become one with the night.
6. Gas Mask
Might as well get a bio-suit to go with it to complete the look.
7. Samurai Sword
Because warriors don’t wield plastic.
8. Army Surplus Camo
Do you really need a reason? You can get 5 button shirts for about $20.
9. A Serious Torch (Flashlight)
How else are you going to catch those punks trying to TP your yard?
10. Zombie Max Shotgun Shells
Lead for the undead! I suppose regular shells would work just as well but it’s best to be sure.
11. Indiana Jones Fedora
It will never look as good on anyone else but that shouldn’t stop you from owning one.
12. Axe with a back sling
Because He-man had one, you should too.
13. A Pair of Figure Skates
Gotcha! This is a trick to test your manliness! Never purchase figure skates. Never skate figuratively. Skating at all may be in serious question.
13. (Really) A Chain Saw
One of the best scares I ever had was from a guy in a mask wielding a chainless chainsaw.
14. Dremel Tool
Don’t skimp here. Get a good one or you’re just wasting your money. These are great for pumpkin carving but also for typical Dremel stuff like sanding tight spots and cutting drywall.
There may be that tiny thing that comes with your spare tire kit, but that really doesn’t count. When zombie skull bashing, door cracking, nail pulling power is what you need, only a full sized crowbar will do.
What would you add to the list?