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15 Manly Things to Purchase Using Halloween as an Excuse

Army_of_Darkness_Vintage

It’s time to graduate from candy (that no one really wants anyhow) to manly things that may actually come in handy. Not that you need an excuse, but just in case, here are a few things that roughly relate to All Hallows Eve.

1. Jig Saw

Jigsaw Pumpkin Vintage

Carve those pumpkins like a man!

2. Machete

Rambo_Machete_Vintage

Zombie heads aren’t going to lob off themselves.

3. Cast Iron Cauldron

Cauldron Vintage

Turn that witches brew into a manly stew!

4. Wooden Bat

Baseball Bat with Nails

Because you can’t drive nails through a steel one.

5. Face Paint

Duck Commander Face Camo Vintage

Become one with the night.

6. Gas Mask

Gas Mask Vintage

Might as well get a bio-suit to go with it to complete the look.

7. Samurai Sword

Samurai Warrior Vintage

Because warriors don’t wield plastic.

8. Army Surplus Camo

German Camo Vintage

Do you really need a reason? You can get 5 button shirts for about $20.

9. A Serious Torch (Flashlight)

Flashlight Dark Vintage

How else are you going to catch those punks trying to TP your yard?

10. Zombie Max Shotgun Shells

Zombie Max Vintage

Lead for the undead! I suppose regular shells would work just as well but it’s best to be sure.

11. Indiana Jones Fedora

Indiana Jones Vintage

It will never look as good on anyone else but that shouldn’t stop you from owning one.

12. Axe with a back sling

Axe Sling Vintage

Because He-man had one, you should too.

13. A Pair of Figure Skates

Figure Skater

Gotcha! This is a trick to test your manliness! Never purchase figure skates. Never skate figuratively. Skating at all may be in serious question.

13. (Really) A Chain Saw

Army_of_Darkness_Comic_Vintage

One of the best scares I ever had was from a guy in a mask wielding a chainless chainsaw.

14. Dremel Tool

Dremel-Cordless-Pumpkin-Carver Vintage

Don’t skimp here. Get a good one or you’re just wasting your money. These are great for pumpkin carving but also for typical Dremel stuff like sanding tight spots and cutting drywall.

15. Crowbar

Crowbar Gordon Freeman

There may be that tiny thing that comes with your spare tire kit, but that really doesn’t count. When zombie skull bashing, door cracking, nail pulling power is what you need, only a full sized crowbar will do.

What would you add to the list?

 

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